The Royal Pains: The Wedding Cake
by Drop The Act. Put On A Smile
Summary: In this series, Cake Mix, our unlucky mane character, switches bodies with ALL of the royals in the show. In this episode, Cake merely wants to clone himself with the Magic Mirror Pool, but get's much more than he bargained for. Cake, now Cadence, is going to go through with a wedding he doesn't want to be in. Why does this happen to him! Rated T for... Teeness?


**The Royal Pains: The Wedding Cake**

**Chapter 1: Cake's side of the story**

**Who can guess some of the references I used in here? If you do, you get one free internet!**

**-THIS IS A LINE!-**

"Oh, there's a magic mirror pool you said. You have to go see it you said... What you DIDN'T say was where it was!" Cake shouts, trotting through a dense forest.

He grumbled once or twice, glaring at the trees as each one passes him by. He blew up, as his hair went into his face and continued walking.

"Just point the way why don't you. Don't even BOTHER mentioning where or what I'm looking for!" He shouts again, traveling deeper in, nearing a cave entrance.

More like a hole in the ground.

Which he failed to notice.

He was about to rant once more, only to fall down the hole he hadn't watched out for and tumbled all the way down. Hitting various rocks, bumps, and plants along the trail.

"Oof!"

"Eek!"

"Gah!"

Finally, he hit's the bottom of the crevice. Around him, a dark, but beautiful, cave. The crystal clear pool ahead of him emanating some sort of harmonious light, as if to draw in the stallion.

Shame he was knocked out, or else he'd be in awe.

**Timeskip (Pretend to listen to the whole theme song)**

"Nng..." Cake groaned out, slowly opening his eyes, to see the area around him.

As mentioned before, beautiful pool blah, blah, blah.

Cake let his jaw drop at the sight before him, letting himself take in the effects of the cavern. It truly was mesmorizing.

Cake looked at the pool before him, a glint unseen in his eyes and he began to think to himself.

More like talk out loud.

"Cake. I think we found it! More Cakes here I come!" He shouts, raising both hooves in the air.

Like he just don't care.

"Woohoo!"

He jumps into the pool, not knowing something was happening, and begins to swim around in a happy manner.

He completely forgot Pinkie's advice.

_"Now Cake, you have to remember! You have to say blah, blah, blah, blah... are you even listening to me?!" _Memory Pinkie shouts to him, causing him to blink rapidly.

"What?!" He screams out, letting some of the pool water in his mouth.

He coughs it out and begins to swim to edge of the pool, an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. He reaches the edge rather quickly and attempts to pool himself out.

Only to pause for a moment. "Pinkie? How'd you get in my head?" He asks, holding on to the edge, looking blankly ahead.

_"I dunno. You were just thinking of me and poof! Here I am!"_ Memory Pinkie says excitedly, eliciting a groan from Cake.

"Great. Now I have you in my h..." Was all Cake got out before dropping to the ground.

_"Cake?"_

_"CAKE?"_

_"CAKE?!"_

Retry?

Quit?

**Elsewhere**

"I have to stop fainting liking a wuss..." Says a mare, laying in bed next to a stallion.

"Hnnng... What was that hun?" The stallion yawns and says, rolling over to face the mare.

The mare went emotionless for a second, staring at the blue maned unicorn, before bursting into laughter. "Bahahaha! It sounded like you called me hun! Bahaha!" She says, clenching on to the sheets, her laughter echoing in the chambers around her.

"I... did... Are you alright Cadence?" He asks

The mare stops her laugh, and gave him a deadpanned expression. "You're kidding me right? Dude come on, jokes over." She says, doubt pooring into the back of her head.

"Dude? Oh... I get it. You're nervous about today!" He says, a smile forming on his face as he places his right hoof on her shoulder.

"Of course, I would be too, seeing as how it's our wedding and all!" He adds, pulling the shocked mare into a romantic embrace.

She just sat there, her face going from that of joyous laughter, to 'oh my Celestia! What the buck is going on?!'

So... she did the only thing she could think of after trying to process information like this.

Scream like a little filly... which is really close to the truth right now.

"Heheh. Come on dear, it isn't that bad! Besides, Twily's going to be there. Remember?" The stallion says, attempting to calm down the screaming mare.

An attempt that went right over her shoulder.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!" Her scream was interrupted with a kiss from the stallion.

Well. It did two things successfully.

It shut up 'Cadence'.

And.

It made her spit out uncontrollably.

The stallion laughs at her behaviour and gets out of bed. "Well Cadence, I have to patrol the tower. I'll see you again before the wedding." He says, shaking his head at his fiancé.

He leaves the chambers, leaving behind a mare frightened beyond belief. She quickly began scrambling off of the bed, looking for a mirror of sorts.

Wow.

Who places one... RIGHT next to a bed... kind of creepy... waking up with somepony staring back at you... Ugh...

She looks into the mirror, and indeed, she was no longer that fun loving tannish-orange stallion. She was now a pink furred, multi-colored mane wearing uni... wait... are those wings?!

"OH DEAR CELESTIA! I'M A FRICKEN ALICORN?!" She shouts out, shoving her hooves to her mouth and begins to chew at them nervously, clippings flying everywhere.

Her scream, drew the attention of the guards standing outside of her chambers.

"Are you alright your higness?!" The grey one shouts, worry clearly written over his face.

'Cadence' turns towards him, her left eye twitching, and gives him the most unwelcoming of frowns. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M ALRIGHT?!" She shouts, pointing her hoof in a blaming manner.

The white guard that was to the right of them, leans over to the grey one and whispers into his ear. _"I think it's her 'time' of the month."_ He says quietly, receiving a small nod from the other.

'Cadence' clasped her hooves over her face and screamed into them.

Something about 'buck', 'straw', 'hay', and... oh dear... 'the shoving of hooves up one's flank'.

'Cadence' let's go of her face, and angrily stomps up to the smaller stallions, causing them to flinch a bit. She looks at the grey one dangerously, before speaking in a highly unamused tone. "Who. Am. I?" She simply puts.

The grey unicorn guard gulps nervously, before doing a bearing check. "Ma'am. You are Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Cadence to your friends. Ma'am." He says, giving a curt salute.

Apparently? This was NOT the answer she was hoping for.

"MOTHER BUCKING, STRAW EATING, FLANK SWATTING, TEET SUCKING, SON OF A WHORSE!" She shouts out in the Royal Canterlot Voice, causing the two guards before her to tremble.

Well. The grey one stayed.

The white one? He ran out of the room screaming like a filly. Just like how she did moments ago!

'Cadence' flared her nostrils and grabbed the remaining stallion by the collar. "WHY?!" Was her only question.

The guard stared back at her and thought to himself.

_"It's been a good life... I just wish there was somepony to tell my wife I love her..._"

"Ma'am... I don't know wh-" Was all he got out, before the mare used her rage induced strength and chucked him out of the chambers' windows.

Straight into a pillow stand that was selling great pillows at low prices!

So, in other words? He's fine and he get's to tell his family he's ok!

Back with 'Cadence'.

She was now on the ground, talking to herself madly.

"This... this is just some sort of... jacked up nightmare! Yeah! That's what it is! Any moment now... ANY MOMENT... and I'll wake up..." She says crazily, closing her eyes tightly. Only to open them and be in the same room as before.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

**Another Timeskip~**

"Cadence, I know you've been... 'not in the mood' ... but I really think you should calm down. You looked like you were about to shout at my sister back there!" Shining Armor said, raising his voice just a notch.

"She shook... her flank... IN MY FACE!" She shouted back, causing him to shrink a little.

Proves who's the one wearing pants in this relationship.

**Meanwhile**

"I say. That is a simply dashing co... co... ACHOO!" Fancy Pants said, trying to complement the stallion in front of him. Only to sneeze on him instead.

**Back with 'Cadence'**

She is now storming away from the stallion, her eyes growing darker every passing moment.

Shining gives a sigh, and a familiar guard leans to him nervously. "U-um... sir? Your fiancé... she's in her time of the month." He says quickly, and begins to look around half expecting her to jump at him.

Nothing came, so the stallion gives a sigh and waits for his superior's response.

"I know... it's just... I don't think she's doing this on accident." Shining says sadly, watching the retreating form of 'Cadence'.

**Yet ANOTHER Timeskip**

"Why am I even doing this..." 'Cadence' mutters to herself, before walking in the royal kitchen. Several ponies bowing to her while the rest are working.

A particular orange earth pony trots up to the faux-princess giving off a wide smile as she does so. "Howdy there Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!" She says, tipping her baker's hat a tid bit.

The alicorn stopped, and stared blankly at her for a moment.

Twilight, watching this ordeal with a glare, leans in.

"Dude, just call me Cak... er... Cadence, man." She says, an error in her words causing Twilight's ears to perk up a little.

"Um. Sure thing Princess Cade-" The orange mare starts to say.

"Cadence. Say it with me now. Cay-de-nce. None of that 'Princess' straw. Alright?" She says, rolling her eyes as she interrupts her.

"O-okay. Pr... Cadence. Well... I'm, er... I'm Applejack and I'm gonna be bakin yer snacks!" Applejack says, regaining her confidance as she pulls out a small looking green cupcake.

'Cadence' raised an eyebrow before picking it up with her hooves.

Something, that Twilight noted. Usually, she'd use her magic to lift things... _"Hmm..."_ She ponders to herself, a scowl growing slowly on her face.

"So... you want me to... eat this?" 'Cadence' asks, inspecting the small pastry.

An 'mhm' erupted from Applejack, which was all 'Cadence' needed. She popped the small thing into her mouth.

Her mouth probably just gave a mouth-gasm, but her pride denied her the fact.

"Oh... so... good..." She muttered quietly, trying to hold back the shivers.

"What was that Cadence?" Applejack questioned, tilting her head to the right.

The alicorn blinked a couple of times and stared at the mare again before speaking. "Oh. Uh... They're... they're fine." She says, trying to sound snooty-like.

It worked, and surprisingly, Applejack didn't notice.

Twilight did, just not Applejack.

"That's great! Here, take this small bag that's filled with 'em. Think of it as, uh, a sort of wedding present!" Applejack says with a smile, producing a small brown bag.

'Cadence' gives only a nod, takes the bag, and turns around.

On her way to the door, she thinks to herself. _"Can't have ponies see me stuffing my face... it'll ruin whoever I am's image."_ She then tosses the bag into a garbage can, albeit a bit sadly of course.

Twilight saw this and gave a scoff.

**AGAIN WITH THE TIMESKIPS!**

"Kill. Me. Now." 'Cadence' said, staring at the pink dress in front of her, the white unicorn who made it staring at her expectantly.

"Soooo? What do you think? Because, I simply think it's you darling." She said, indicating towards the dress.

"No." Was her only answer.

"No? What do you mean?" The unicorn asked, giving her a confused glance.

"I'd rather shoot my self in my womb and bleed out then wear that." Was what she wanted to say, however here's what came out of her mouth.

"It's... just not my color." She simply states, her eyes glancing between the unicorn and the dress.

"I think it's beautiful." Colgate, one of the bridesmaids exclaimed with a confidant smile.

"I do too." Lyra, the second of the three said afterwords.

"It's cute!" Ditzy, the final bridesmaid stated, her bubbly remark eliciting a giggle/manly chuckle from 'Cadence'.

She suddenly gave an 'ehem' and turned back towards the unicorn.

"No."

A few (47) minutes later, the two came to an agreement.

"Darling... are you sure? I mean, a tuxedo would be smashing on a stallion, but..." Rarity began, only to lower her voice to nothing.

"Yup. Tux. Blue. No take backs. I like it. Get it done. I'm out." 'Cadence' said, a bit fast for anypony to understand, but Rarity knew what she meant. She suddenly leaves the room, leaving everypony (including the bridesmaids) to themselves to ponder on what had transpired.

Twilight's scowl grew three sizes that hour.

**One Million Facehooves Later**

"Why am I even going through with this?! I mean seriously... I have to get my body back somehow!" 'Cadence' says to herself, drawing some attention to her.

Luckily, everypony thought she was on her period so... Yeah. Nopony bothered her about it.

Here she sat, on a park bench close to the castle. Alone.

"I hate my luck right now." She said sadly, lowering her muzzle to the wooden seat.

"There you are!" A voice said loudly, interrupting 'Cadence's thoughts.

She sits up suddenly, turning towards the voice.

The grey stallion from before.

"WHAT?!" She shouts, glaring at him.

Thankfully, he has the gonads to say this.

"The wedding, your higness. It's starting." He says, his pupils shrinking to pins as the mare gets up and literally rips the bench from it's nailed location and threatens him with it.

"I. Do. Not. Nor. Will. I. EVER. Give. A. Single. STRAW!" She screams, hitting the stallion, causing him to fly towards, yet another, pillow stand.

She drops the bench and begins to grumble.

"Ugh... I hate being the good guy." She says to herself.

**One Final Timeskip**

"And Cadence, you will stand here." Celestia's page said, pointing her hoof down at an area.

_"Starting my flank! It's just the practice run..."_


End file.
